100 Word Microfiction: Practice round

[roina_arwen]

I was given the genre of Horror; action of “opening a locked door”, and word to use “fright” by Erulissedances. Please note that the title does not count towards the 100 words.

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The Asylum

Lilly held the brass key between her trembling fingers. She pressed her left hand to the cold metal door and murmured a quick prayer.

A ghostly presence shimmered in her peripheral vision, grey and insubstantial, waiting.

She turned the key in the lock.

Lilly pulled on the heavy door, opening it wide. Inside the dim room stood a rusty metal bed with a decaying, mildewed mattress, which spoke of age and decrepitude.

Behind her, the spirit swirled madly. Lilly could feel its fright. She shuddered and dropped the key.

Echoes of insane laughter reverberated through her.

The door slammed shut.

Comments

[bleodswean]

FANTASTIC! I think you've found your medium (pun)!

Critique - stood instead of was.

[roina_arwen]

Excellent critique - I’ll edit it! Thanks!

[bleodswean]

:) That is one of the more fun aspects of such a constrained word count - fine-tooth-combing the piece! You and I share a love for the exact word in its exacting place. Have fun with that!

[erulissedances]

I love writing drabbles (100 word stories). They encapsulate a lot into a few words. I would have eliminated the second "Lilly", giving you one more word to work with, and I probably would have see if I could end it with "The door slammed shut behind her." Eliminating the second name would be easy, adding the last two words to the final sentence would be a bit harder.

- Erulisse (one L)

[roina_arwen]

Hmm. I see where you’re going with that, but I don’t think I could easily eliminate the second Lilly without either adding the word “she” or rephrasing it to something like:

She turned the key in the lock and pulled the heavy door, opening it wide.

That does save one word, but I really wanted “she turned the key in the lock” to stand on its own, for visual reasons as well as to put a pause in the narrative.

Thanks for the prompt suggestion - it was fun!

[erulissedances]

No problem, your story was great - fully formed and with a situation I wanted to read more about. Well done.

- Erulisse (one L)